The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize