we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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