im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
