Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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