opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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