At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
