So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
