I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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