i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
