what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
