the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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