how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
