This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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