I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
