my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
