were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
