Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
