last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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