he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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