my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
