Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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