I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
