I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize