It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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