Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
