I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
