I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
