If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
