But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Too much gin, very little bucket
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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