he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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