This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize