He had one of those small greek statue penises
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
