some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
