We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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