i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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