I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
