Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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