I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
