Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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