how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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