$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
