You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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