i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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