I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
