Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
