Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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