is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
