As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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