am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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