Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
