Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
