so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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