The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
