O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
