i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
