I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
